Post your jokes on here and lets all have a giggle!
I was just out for a pleasant drive this morning and unfortunately, I accidently rear-ended another car down a busy road. No real damage was done though, just some paint off the bumpers.
I thought, gawd I just know that this is going to be a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car and to my surprise, he was a dwarf, although I should really use the pc term 'little person'.
Anyway he looked at the slight damage, then looked me up and down for a moment and said, "I am NOT happy!."
A guy gets pulled for speeding on the M25.
Cop asks him whats his hurry, he replys he is late for work.
Cop asks him what jobs does he do, he replys I am an arsehole stretcher.
Cop asks what the f**k is that, guy says I stick one finger up an arse first,then I put up the rest of them to stretch it to six foot.
Cop says what would u do with a six foot arsehole?
Guy replys give it a speed gun and put him on the M25!
there were three prison escapees- a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
on their run to freedom they decided to hide out for the night in an old barn. however, during the middle of the night the sheriff and the deputy came around the farm to search for the prisoners.
"Quick!", said the brunette, "into these sacks!"
The deputy entered the barn and kicked the first sack, with the brunette in it. "Meow meow," replied the brunette.
"It's only a cat," the deputy told the sheriff.
He then turned to the sack the redhead was in and kicked it. "Woof woof," she said. "Only a dog," the deputy reported.
Next he kicked the sack with the blonde in it, to which she responded,
Family driving behind a dustbin lorry when a large dildo flies out and hits the windscreen. To hide her embarrassment the mother turns to her two kids and says
'My- that was a big insect'
To which her 7-year-old son replies
'I'm surprised it could fly with a cock that size'.
I was just out for a pleasant drive this morning and unfortunately, I accidently rear-ended another car down a busy road. No real damage was done though, just some paint off the bumpers.
I thought, gawd I just know that this is going to be a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car and to my surprise, he was a dwarf, although I should really use the pc term 'little person'.
Anyway he looked at the slight damage, then looked me up and down for a moment and said, "I am NOT happy!."
according to research this is the funniest joke in the world .
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
