1. Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly wind, is your idea of good weather.
2. The only sausage you like is square.
3. You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high school.
4. You have a wide knowledge of local words, and know: Numpty is an idiot, Aye is yes, Aye right is No, Auldjin is someone over 40, and Baltic is cold.
5. You have an irrational need to eat anything from the chippy, as long as its deep fried, Haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausage, fish, chicken and battered Mars Bars.
6. You used to love destroying your teeth with Penny Dainties, Wham Bars, Cola Cubes, and Soor Plooms.
7. You always greet people by talking about the weather.
8. Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia , Deacon Blue, Big Country, etc, you still love it when they are played in a club abroad. (in fact you'll probably ask the DJ to play it)
9. You have an enormous feeling of dread, even when Scotland play a diddy team.
10. You are proud that Scotland has the highest number of alcohol and smoking deaths in Europe ..
11. You used to watch Glen Michaels Cartoon Cavalcade on a Sunday Afternoon with his lamp Paladdin.
12. You got Oor Wullie and The Broons books Every Christmas.
13. You only enjoy Weirs Way on the telly, when you are pissed.
14. You are able to recognise the regional dilect, (Glasgow) ‘Awright pal, gonie gies a wee swatcha yir paper nat, Cheers, magic pal. ( Aberdeen ) Fitlike Loon? Furryboots ya bin up tae? fair few quines in the night, min. ( Inverness ) Ah-eee right enuffff! Hows you keeeepeeeen?
15. You know the police are about to arrive when you hear someone shout Errapolis.
16. You have witnessed a Square Go
17. You know that when you are asked which School you attended they really mean, Are you Catholic or Proddy?
18. You have eaten the following: Mince and Tatties, Cullen Skink, Tunnocks Teacakes, Snowballs and Caramel Wafers, Porage, Macaroon Bar, Baxters Soup, Scotch Pie, Oatcakes.
19. A Jakey has ask you for 10p for a cuppa tea.
20. You wait at the shop counter for 1p change.
21. You know that the right response to are you dancing? is are you askin? followed by am askin and finally then am dancin.
22. You associated sawdust with vomit, coz the ˜jannie always, used to pour it over sick in school.
23. You lose all respect for a groom who doesn't wear a kilt.
24. You don't do shopping, you go for the messages.
25. You're on a bus and the drunk picks you to sit next to.
26. You are able to conduct a 20 minute phone call using three words only,-- Awright, aye, and naw.
27. When you refuse the offer of a drink, you hear, You no well?
28. You have heard the following:
You canny fling pieces oot a 20 storey flat,
700 hungry weans'll testify to that,
If its butter, cheese or jelly,
If the breed is plain or pan,
The chances o' it reachin earth,
Are ninety nine tae wan.
29. You know that going to a party means bringin a Kerry oot.
30. Your holiday in Benidorm is ruined when you hear there is a heatwave back home.
31. Scotland go 2-0 up against the French, and you immediately think, getting beat 3-2 was no a bad result.
32. You can pronounce: McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, and Kirkcaldy.
33. You love deep fried Pizza.
34. You can't pass a Kebab shop after being at the pub.
35. You are used to four seasons in one day. (winter, winter, autumn, winter)
36. You can fall when drunk and not spill your drink.
37. You see people wearing shellsuits with Burberry accessories, and think thats class.
38. You measure distance in minutes.
39. You understand Rab C. Nesbitt.
40. You go to Saltcoats because you think its abroad.
41. You can make a whole sentence using only swear words.
42. You know what haggis is made with, but you still enjoy it.
43. You know someone who planned their wedding around the football fixtures.
44. You have been to a wedding and the football results have been announced in church.
45. You are not surprised to find one shop selling ALL of the following: Pizzas, Nappies, Fags, Curries, Milk, Paint, Shoes etc.
46. Your seaside home has Calor gas under it.
47. You know that Irn-Bru is a good hang over cure.
48. You could swear before you could count.
49. You would nut a terrorist if they tried to bomb your Airport.
50. You are not only Scottish but Glasgwian when you understand the following- Hows it hingin, clatty, boggin, cludgie, Bawheid, bawbag, and double nougat.
Well, i reckon finland isn't far behind on that list. The neste rally weekend was a good enough proof of the finnish drinking culture.. Ah, these healthy countries!
Never thought how culturally revealing these lists can be. That was pretty funny.
Scottish Dubliner wrote:
14. You are able to recognise the regional dilect, (Glasgow) ‘Awright pal, gonie gies a wee swatcha yir paper nat, Cheers, magic pal. ( Aberdeen ) Fitlike Loon? Furryboots ya bin up tae? fair few quines in the night, min. ( Inverness ) Ah-eee right enuffff! Hows you keeeepeeeen?
16. You have witnessed a Square Go
33. You love deep fried Pizza.
41. You can make a whole sentence using only swear words.
14. I like "magic pal"
15. What's a Square Go?
33. I have heard of the frying obsession but really??? Does it even taste like pizza?
41. Dubz shows this to be true every day.
14. You are able to recognise the regional dilect, (Glasgow) ‘Awright pal, gonie gies a wee swatcha yir paper nat, Cheers, magic pal. ( Aberdeen ) Fitlike Loon? Furryboots ya bin up tae? fair few quines in the night, min. ( Inverness ) Ah-eee right enuffff! Hows you keeeepeeeen?
16. You have witnessed a Square Go
33. You love deep fried Pizza.
41. You can make a whole sentence using only swear words.
14. I like "magic pal"
15. What's a Square Go?
33. I have heard of the frying obsession but really??? Does it even taste like pizza?
41. Dubz shows this to be true every day.
15. A square go is a fair fight, that is no weapons, and both protaganists willing and ready.
33. It's a fairfew years since I've had one but they are fucking lovely, European Pizza tastes different to American Pizza and Domino's tastes different from Lidl anyway, in my experience. so... it's all relative.
33. It's a fairfew years since I've had one but they are fucking lovely, European Pizza tastes different to American Pizza and Domino's tastes different from Lidl anyway, in my experience. so... it's all relative.
I've had Euro pizza before so I know what you mean. It still just seems like the taste of that (and really lots of things) must get lost under the frying.
Or do you eat the lovely layer of fried goop and then have a surprise pizza/mars bar/roll of toilet paper underneath?
33. It's a fairfew years since I've had one but they are fucking lovely, European Pizza tastes different to American Pizza and Domino's tastes different from Lidl anyway, in my experience. so... it's all relative.
I've had Euro pizza before so I know what you mean. It still just seems like the taste of that (and really lots of things) must get lost under the frying.
Or do you eat the lovely layer of fried goop and then have a surprise pizza/mars bar/roll of toilet paper underneath?
If I remember correctly they are usually frozen before hand so it's just a matter of fucking the whole thing into the frier for a minute then you take it out fold it in half like a Calzone and eat it that way. With Chips (french fries) and a bottle of Irn Bru
If I remember correctly they are usually frozen before hand so it's just a matter of fucking the whole thing into the frier for a minute then you take it out fold it in half like a Calzone and eat it that way. With Chips (french fries) and a bottle of Irn Bru
Dubz
OK that actually sounds really good. Worth having a heart attack right after.
It's like a Donner Kebab only it's made with a sausage wrapped in Kebab meat then covered in Batter then deep fried, and served in a pita bread with salad (healthy) pakora sauce and cheese.
