Argh, I'm having a bad week, on top of that my brain is full of thoughts and shit and I don't like it one bit!
I've got 2 essays due next week, got work on Sunday (a 9hr shift) and a trip to Edinburgh for work experience to fit in on top of that ... I'm gonna be uber stressed out! I'm stressed already but I feel as though I'm gonna be signing myself into the mental institution ...
And on top of that I just feel so fed up with life in general at the moment ... I feel as though I'm just sitting watching things happen and its driving me crazy and letting little things get me down ...
I dont see the same amount of old friends anymore and they still mean a lot to me, fall outs and arguments aside, I've never ever forgotten the good times ... one of them was in touch last week and we're going for a drink sometime but i just have this awful feeling that its an empty promise, its said to humour me so that I'll forget and it'll never happen. We used to kinda be joined at the hip, he was the pal I'd go to if I ever had a problem that I felt I could discuss with him but a heap of stuff happened, I ended up going home for summer and well awkwardness got in my way of phoning up and vice versa ... and hey, when that happens, you get replaced by some other lassie who becomes his best mate if u know what I mean ... I'm trying not to let the green eyed monster get in the way but it just kinda hurts in a stupid kinda way ... And I know that sounds awful ... and I don't like admitting shit like that at all ... I'm not a jealous person, i just feel as though I lose confidence all the time ...
Second, the pal that's stuck by me all through uni is going off the rails ... its getting to the point that I want to say something about it but I don't either... I got dragged away from my very stressful uni coursework today so I could hear the story of how her flatmate cheated on her boyfriend (the guy she also made a play for) at the weekend and a pile of other bullshit which I hear day in day out from her ...
and then I just sit around and have regrets about what I've done and namely it boils down to what if ... what if I didn't come to Aberdeen? What if I went to Edinburgh for uni instead ... yadda yadda ...
my life is at a total stand still at the moment and I'm getting bored shitless ... help me out guys, you always do ...
