I've been trying for ages to get my head around Genesis (in the bible, the creation of the earth 'by god') When I first read it, I was in hysterics for about an hour, I really couldn't stop laughing. Then I found out that many christians (mainly in the US) ACTUALLY believe that this is exactly what happened 6000 years ago - word for bizarre freakin' word. I'll put out whats actually said, then give you my interpretation.
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001:001 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
Right so that’s all fine so far, you’d think it would just end here – he made the heavens, he made the earth, but no, he goes on to create them a bit more apparently…
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001:002 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was
upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon
the face of the waters. .
Right so now he didn’t create the earth, it had no form, so that means its not there, its not even jelly-like, it was void, so again not there, and apparently it was also dark. Then he moves upon the waters…I thought there was nothing there…now there’s water on the swirling formless void…ok…
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001:003 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
What Kind of light? Is he talking about the sun? Is it the sun he’s made? Wait no, he does that later. So this ‘light’ where is it coming from? What’s the source? Whats it even acting on? The waters on the formless mass!? The Void? How is that even possible?? I’m always assume hes put some light bulb somewhere. Or does he mean he created some stream of photons? I’m so confused.
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001:004 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the
light from the darkness.
Right so this inexplicable light up til this point was MIXED I suppose – so there was just vast areas of lighty darky voidy massless formless nothingness…
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001:005 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called
Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
Riiight so theres still no earth, and theres still no sun, but theres now some sort of darkness and light, which he is calling night and day respectively. Night and Day are governed purely from the Sun around the earth, and so far neither are formed…The concept of night and day came about with the concept of time…Midday etc…How the heck does this work???
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001:006 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the
waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
OK so now he’s decided to divide the waters (presumably they had no way of saying divided the waters in two…) So hes made land in the middle of the water of the formless shapeless void of the earth….
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001:007 And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were
under the firmament from the waters which were above the
firmament: and it was so.
OK excuse me, so before this he didn’t make the land, it was already there, and it was submerged presumably…So the difference here is, there is some below and some water above the land…wait, isn’t that what just happened...So basically there’s still land underwater…(which still btw makes up the formless void of earth which currently apparently has sourceless light near it)
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001:008 And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the
morning were the second day.
Ok apart from the fact he’s already created heaven in part one….Wait, now I really am completely lost…the firmament isn’t some sort of land, its heaven. So before he has some sort of underwater heaven. OK. And whats this about evening and morning? They’re defined by the setting and rising of the sun upon the horizon relative to the equator…Morning is a time set developed hundreds and hundreds of years ago…If the sun isn’t setting or rising (since it doesn’t exist) how can the latter exist…
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001:009 And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered
together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it
was so.
Right so its still submerged…but the waters ‘under’ heaven, had to gather together…I’m too lost to even comment now. So then dry land appeared. So now we’ve got a massless formless void of water mixed with land and heaven, with light shining on it from somewhere. How is this ‘water’ not frozen? Presumably all this is happening in space etc, at approximately 3 Kelvin, so how is it not frozen…?
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001:010 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together
of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.
OK so now earth is purely the land, not the planet. And these mystical waters which seem to be both above and below the ‘heavens’ are the sea…
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001:011 And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb
yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his
kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.
Right so theres no atmosphere, theres frozen lakes everywhere, theres no sun, and apparently all these plants are growing. How on earth does this happen? They’d be dead before they had a chance to germinate – they use the sun to photosinthesise and all plants need water of some volume….(Also later on it says theres no rain….well how could there be, theres only frozen sea and theres no atmosphere, theres no moon to govern waves or wind.)
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001:012 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed
after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in
itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
Didn’t he just do that… he said it was so….now he’s just complementing himself on the genocide of every type of plant organism that lived….you’d think he’d know that the plants need these things if he made them…
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001:013 And the evening and the morning were the third day.
Day? Evening? Morning? Third…? Now theres day and time and mathematics and accountability….but still no sun…or moon…or earth really…
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001:014 And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the
heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for
signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
I’m going to throw him a bone here and assume he’s saying hes’ making stars in the heavens (which now I’m guessing means the sky…even though theres no atmosphere…) I thought he already defined day and night with that mystical light… So GOD came up with days, and 365.25 days per year on average, so presumably theres some sort of orbit now? A rotation? Whats’ going on? Its still massless and formless…
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001:015 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to
give light upon the earth: and it was so.
So now the stars are capable of lighting up the land on the earth…That’s some pretty intense bolometric flux I’d say – the intensity is amzing…and whats more, why is he so painstakingly creating the earth (rather stupidly if I might comment) and going on and on about the plants and firmament, and then just in a split second he’s quite happy to create literally thousands of billions of billions of solar systems, given that a star is like our sun, most of them supporting alien planets, some of them entire galaxies etc. He just created that for us to look at…but never reach….what a waste of space….literally…
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001:016 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the
day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars
also.
OK now I know he’s definitely done the stars already so I’ll guess that whoever wrote this for him was as confused as I am and accidentally wrote it again. But at last! Some mention of a pseudo-sun and pseudo-moon! Now all that’s dead plants can…well remain dead…In what way does the moon ‘rule’ the night? The absence of the sun rules the night. You can see the moon all day and night around dependant on the position relative to the equator…The sun shines ON the moon in both instances. Weird.
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001:017 And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light
upon the earth,
I guess he was just making them in a workshop ready to be taken to orbit…Not that’s it orbit of course, he’s setting them IN the firmament that they might move…So he is so backwards he even believes the sun that he made goes around the earth….that’s really really stubborn. And besides, I thought there was already mystical light coming from somewhere…? There wasn’t any need for any more I’d have thought – remember, he mixed the light with the darkness earlier…
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001:018 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the
light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.
But….Like I say in the earlier part he had already created the light and then mixed it in with the darkness. Now somehow the sun and moon are dividing this light again (not the light from the sun, mind, the weird light). No false modesty here either – what’s good about it?
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001:019 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
At least there’s a sun to dictate so now. But no mathematics or anything.
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001:020 And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving
creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth
in the open firmament of heaven.
The waters brought them forth…why are the waters interested in making birds? And they’re in heaven now? I really don’t understand what or where heaven is now…
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001:021 And God created great whales, and every living creature that
moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their
kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that
it was good.
More weird flying whales in heaven then…
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001:022 And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and
fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the
earth.
I’m guessing he’s making them mate now, which is fair enough, even though I don’t see what they’re surviving on since all plant-life was made extinct by his first blunder.
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001:023 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
Fine.
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001:024 And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature
after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the
earth after his kind: and it was so.
More animals that will have to resort to cannibalism or become extinct due to the dead plants and the gigantic number of dead carcasses that are building up. Also the sun is REALLY close if its ‘in the firmament’ so that means they were roasted ages ago.
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001:025 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle
after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth
after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
God, you are a raving, narcissistic self-congratulation, genocidal manica with no comprehension of how you made the earth. After this first 25 lines, you REALLY want me to go on and read the rest?!? You didn’t even create the earth properly or put it in a position to sustain life.
Ultimately, we’re left with a formless, shapeless void with a big score of light and dark down the middle, with a bunch of dead plants on the water underneath the water above the water below the firmament within the heavens, with starving animals dying of roasting or heat stroke dependant on the energy of the sun at this time (6000 years ago is it?) which is orbiting the earth and roasting it continually for all time. Thanks.
I was once stopped in the street by a 'pastor' who gave me greif about not being a 'proper christian' (presupposing that i was one, assumdely because I am white and Scottish). We got into a huge debate where he made no sense whatsoever (I have witnesses!)
Anyway I asked how he explains dinosaurs (h ebelived the earth to be no more than 7000 years old) and of course I went into fossils, carbon-dating, evolution etc. HE said the obvious and only xplanation for dinosaurs is from "david and goliath" - he said the bible openly refers to dinosaurs such as goliath and knows that the bones we find are only that old because 'carbon-dating is moumentally flawed' - I told him "theres scarce room for flaw, its just background radiation testing!!!!!!!"
thats nothing compared to his reaosn as to why the earth 'seems' to be more than 6000 years old (despite the fact that even egyptians are easily known to have been civilised before then)
