Posts: 1450 |
Nell Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 11:17 AM |
| double |
|
|
Posts: 19 |
lisa_82 Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 11:44 AM |
Hi Nora, your experience is my worst fear. My father has a huge problem with alcohol and constantly attack us, not physically, but with words and acts (until now, but I don't know what can happen tomorrow). He messed up my life more than once and now it's hard for me to fix it, but I'm trying, I have to, for myself and my mom. I'm counting down the days to move out from that house and to run away from him. I go on every day thinking that it will get better. I really hope so, it has to, because I'm very tired and angry.
I know how it is to not be safe in your own home and to be scared for yourself and the people you love. Be strong.
Bye for now |
|
|
Posts: 1450 |
Nell Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 12:04 PM |
Sorry to hear that...:(
but in weird kind of way good to know we're not alone. I hope your father won't pass the borderline of words...
And I'll hope you'll strong enough to move out.
thx very much for this |
|
|
Posts: 959 |
fenchurch Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 12:12 PM |
| Jeez Nora, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I can't imagine how you must be feeling now, and I don't know what I can say to help but that my thoughts are with you. You're such a nice person, you don't deserve that, no one does. |
|
|
Posts: 1450 |
Nell Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 12:14 PM |
thx very much
awful is a nice description of a feeling.. |
|
|
Posts: 3258 |
mili Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 12:20 PM |
As far as I understand, the only way to solve these kind of problems is to leave.
My mum once told me how my granny told her (my granpa) husband in the early days of their relationship "Hit me once and I'm gone". Perhaps there had been trouble in her childhood home. Anyway, that lesson has stayed clear in my mind, and I don't think I would accept violence in my home. Thankfully there's never been any reason to test this idea in practise. |
|
|
Posts: 8142 |
minnmess Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 12:27 PM |
| Im really sorry that both of you are going through this. Im not going to pretend to be smart enough to know a solution, but thinking of you both. No one should have to go through that. |
|
|
Posts: 4822 |
TheBoyWithAName Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 12:59 PM |
I'm so so sorry guys, no one should have to go through that :(
I can't say that I've experienced anything like it cause my family have always protected me even when there's been problems at home, but I can relate to how it feels like when somebody takes the right to offend you. I don't want to go into it to much, but I've been bullied, abused and exposed to some of the most nasty things you can think of my whole school time.
Anyway if anyone of you need to talk you know where to find me. I'm a pretty good listener, I think :) |
|
|
Posts: 19 |
lisa_82 Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 2:03 PM |
| Sometimes I think that it's easier to hurt someone you love than a perfect stranger. My dad always tell me that I'm his "princess", so how can he be so mean? how can he mess our world like that? And how can he say those things to me and to the most important person of my life (my mom)? I'd love to be brave enough to face him, telling him what I really feel but I'm scared to be kicked out. So I wait for the day that I can finally be free, no more fears, no more pain, no more tears and anger. Nora that day HAS to come for us and everyone like us. |
|
|
Posts: 1113 |
leticia Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 2:25 PM |
Oh Nora... I'm so so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how you must felt. I haven't gone through something of that kind. My parents used to fight a lot when I was 13 but they got divorced and it was the end of it.
I just wanted to let you know that u are a lovely person and as one of the boardies said, you and no one else don't deserve to go through something like that.
Maybe you'll have to hang on a little bit longer. In the meantime, I'm here if you need to talk about it. A little bit far away from where u are but that's the magic of Internet, isn't it?
Love ya! |
|
|
Posts: 7404 |
Turtleneck Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 3:05 PM |
Nora, if you and your mother must stay at home, you must have a PLAN in place if something like this starts to happen again. Talk to a someone you trust that will take you and your mother in, no questions asked, anytime, day or night. (Preferably, someone your father doesn't know very well.) If there is no one, then find a woman's shelter. Program the number into your phone and your mother's and sister's phones. Have a spare car key hidden outside somewhere. Keep a small bag packed with an outfit, toothbrush, money etc. that you can just grab and go. Make an escape plan with your mother, so that if she has to leave when you aren't there, you will know where she is. Be prepared.
Eventually, you know your parents will have to split up. If that means having to go back to Germany or wherever, so be it. Your mother can't live with him after you've moved away. Keep encouraging her so that she will have the strength to leave.
Be strong, be brave, but be smart. |
|
|
Posts: 1450 |
Nell Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 4:01 PM |
lisa_82 wrote: Sometimes I think that it's easier to hurt someone you love than a perfect stranger. My dad always tell me that I'm his "princess", so how can he be so mean? how can he mess our world like that? And how can he say those things to me and to the most important person of my life (my mom)? I'd love to be brave enough to face him, telling him what I really feel but I'm scared to be kicked out. So I wait for the day that I can finally be free, no more fears, no more pain, no more tears and anger. Nora that day HAS to come for us and everyone like us.
Exactly! That's how my father calls me too! Always nice, loving - even too much loving - but like freaking ticking time bomb!! It's awful! At the moment we're hiding in my room - I don't think that he's dangerous anymore - but we don't know - as he's still ice cold. ...
Turtleneck wrote:
Nora, if you and your mother must stay at home, you must have a PLAN in place if something like this starts to happen again. Talk to a someone you trust that will take you and your mother in, no questions asked, anytime, day or night. (Preferably, someone your father doesn't know very well.) If there is no one, then find a woman's shelter. Program the number into your phone and your mother's and sister's phones. Have a spare car key hidden outside somewhere. Keep a small bag packed with an outfit, toothbrush, money etc. that you can just grab and go. Make an escape plan with your mother, so that if she has to leave when you aren't there, you will know where she is. Be prepared.
Eventually, you know your parents will have to split up. If that means having to go back to Germany or wherever, so be it. Your mother can't live with him after you've moved away. Keep encouraging her so that she will have the strength to leave.
Be strong, be brave, but be smart.
Yes I just did that. I just put the women shelter on speed dial - as the police. Got sleeping bag and cloths and money hidden under the bed - as she has. and each of us got a car key and cell on us - so in case we gotta run - we can.
I also spoke to the womens shelter and they said we did the right thing calling the police but they reacted totally wrong. They should've told us about the womens shelter and also should have taken him into custody - which both- they didn't. But instead they said we should be lucky not to be hurt - and there are worse things out there...
total fucking arse
You right...I thought too about that with my mum - I can't leave her here - cos normaly it's me stopping him. This time it didn't work though.
So I think if something's happening he will focus his anger on her ..
at the moment we're pretty lost. For the next couple of days she'll go to work, I'm gonna stay with friends or see where I can go to...
After that we're gonna decide how everything's settled or how we can get outa here...or kick him out....which will make him angry again though...
:( |
|
|
Posts: 7598 |
weirdmom Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 4:11 PM |
Nora I was so sad to read your story. I once spent the night at a new friend's house and was awoken in the middle of the night by yelling downstairs. Her mom, dad, and brother had gotten into it and there was a gun involved. It was terrifying not knowing if someone (including myself) was about to be shot. Experiencing that one night was enough for me so truly you have my sympathy.
I also once tried to help a neighbor leave her abusive husband. She did leave but went back to him a few weeks later. From that I learned that you can't talk someone into leaving - it has to be their decision or it won't stick.
I do hope that you can decide to leave, even if your mother isn't ready to make that decision. Here there are hotlines and resources for people in your situation- are there things like that in Switzerland? They could probably offer more practical advice on this matter than I can.
edit: I was writing this while the last few postings went up. |
|
|
Posts: 1450 |
Nell Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 4:40 PM |
oh my god that must have been horrific as well....how the hell did this guy get the gun? and what for? is it allowed to have guns at home in the uk?
here you have ur military weapons at home....but no privat ones..
about the numbers...well i know bout the women shelter - as it was mentioned above - but nothing else...
thx to all of ya |
|
|
Posts: 7598 |
weirdmom Posted Fri 10 Jul, 2009 5:09 PM |
| I live in the US so it's not very hard to get a gun. |
|
|
