A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
A rabbit walks into a butchers and says "Got any lettuce?" The butcher says, "No this is a butchers we don't sell lettuce." Next day the rabbit walks in again and says, "Any lettuce there mate?" Again the butcher explains that it's a butchers and doesn't sell lettuce. Next day the rabbit walks in and says, "Bit of lettuce when you've got a minute chief?" The butcher says, "I'm sick of telling you this is a fucking butchers. You ask for lettuce again and i'm going to nail you to the fucking floor!" Next day the rabbit walks in again and says, "Got a hammer and a bag of nails there mate?" The butcher says, "No." and the rabbit says, "Got any lettuce?"
A rabbit walks into a butchers and says "Got any lettuce?" The butcher says, "No this is a butchers we don't sell lettuce." Next day the rabbit walks in again and says, "Any lettuce there mate?" Again the butcher explains that it's a butchers and doesn't sell lettuce. Next day the rabbit walks in and says, "Bit of lettuce when you've got a minute chief?" The butcher says, "I'm sick of telling you this is a fucking butchers. You ask for lettuce again and i'm going to nail you to the fucking floor!" Next day the rabbit walks in again and says, "Got a hammer and a bag of nails there mate?" The butcher says, "No." and the rabbit says, "Got any lettuce?"
A classic. The version that went round my way involved a duck and bread, but yeah.
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her,
kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your
neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you, too."
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her,
kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your
neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you, too."
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her,
kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your
neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you, too."
feckin excellent girl... shouldn't be in the Bad Jokes thread though HAH HAH
