The title is a little mis-leading - there are are contradictions, horrific stories, mixed-messages, racism, sexism, genocide and ageism on every page of the blasted book, but since I began with genesis, I'll finish with it - again, I COULD like I did for Gensis part 1, continue on with a list of direct quotes, then comment. Most of the people who read my posts no I'm not exagerating or making up what I'm saying, so I'm hoping you'll continue to trust me! (or of course use the scientific method, and go and research it yourself).
So we all know that fantastic children's story from school when your teacher sat in front of you all and read a colourful ladybird book about Noah’s Ark; you remember, you sang “the animals went on by two, by two”, you were amazed at Noah struggling with the ark and rescuing all the animals before God sent that little rain-shower to flood the Earth – but did the teacher bother to explain what was going on before, or indeed what was said after? Did she take time to explain what savage horrors were occurring between the lines? If not, read on:
So we follow on after Adam and Eve start having sex with their own children and grand-children to produce offspring. Well down the line at one point comes along Noah, his three children, and the appropriate wives.
God looks on the earth and is so appalled by his own creations of animals and humans and plant-life alike, he just can’t take it anymore. He is so disappointed with these things that he made, he just can’t stand the sight of them anymore. So he decides to commit genocide on his creations, and destroy pretty much the lot of it.
He goes to Noah and says “You are the only one, and your family, who still please me. I grow weary of the people, the animals and the plants. Their constant sin must be washed away, so I’m going to send a massive flood of water in the form of something you’ve never seen before – I call it rain” (up until now it never rained – care to explain how anything (including the plants and many animals) survived?!
And this is somewhat disturbing to Noah, but after being explained that God now hates all the people and animals he JUST created so much, he wants them drowned – not just removed, or sent to heaven, he wants their lungs filled with water to the extent that they rupture after suffocating for a minute or two, and those lucky enough to find something to float on will die of starvation, as the period is 40 days (and nights, how that’s relevant I don’t know – its pretty long!)
He asks Noah to find for him two pairs of every non-clean beast (those considered not good enough for people to bless) and seven pairs of every clean beast (religiously blessed) – Note, not just two of every animal, a male and a female as is taught to kids.
Bearing in mind that as a generalisation, animal is the definition given to any non-plant life-form (with a couple of rare exceptions). This goes to vertebrates and invertebrates – there are approximately 60,000 of the former, and 1,200,000 of the latter. Basically he has to find one and a quarter million types of animal (bearing in mind also that we are just recently discovering some animals, so how that fits in, again, no idea – evolution perhaps?). Then, throwing god and the bible a bone here, he has to find at LEAST four of every one on average – taking his total animal count on this ark to 5,000,000 separate animals. Lets be unreasonable and say it takes him one minute to find each of these, just one minute (although I’m sure each would take hours on average) this means he’d be searching for 570 years. Good job he lives to be over 900 then, but it doesn’t help when the ‘storm’ is due in a matter of a few days!
We’re also given the dimensions of the ark – unbelievably, yes, the bible tells us the exact dimensions of the ark. It turns out to be approximately 50,000 metres cubed – pretty big (110m x 18m x 24m in some versions). Lets, once more, assume that the vertibrates need very little room for this horrendous cramped month and a half, and lets say since size ranges from a vole to a giraffe or elephant, that the average size would be a standard dog, so lets give all of them one metre cubed to live in – that takes us to nearly 60,000 metres cubed – already we are overflowing. Now lets get those little invertebrates sorted out (the insects, molluscs etc) lets say they range from fleas to tarantulas (again being generous lets say their average space requirement is 0.25 metres cubed). That turns out at a not too shabby 18,750 metres cubed, so we’re really tipping the balance too far now. Not to mention there are 8 humans needing space and comfort, and enough food for everyone, so lets say on average the weight of three plated meals a day for everyone. Thats another gigantic weight.
Talking of food – what do the carnivores eat? Eachother? Did they take a few extra for when the snakes and tigers fancied chomping on a gazelle? Won’t that cause problems later? God also asks Noah to take samples of plants and vegetables so he can fertilise the land again – there are over 300,000 species of plants – I’ll not go too far down that line, suffice to say its getting ridiculous.
So finally the storm and flood have passed and noah and his kids, descended from adam and eve, are ready to get back to normal and release the millions of animals back to the wild. Then they have a bit of a problem, they, once again, only have themselves to breed with. So I guess once more Noah’s wife mates with Noah and their sons, their daughters mate with their brothers, etc etc. What is god’s obsession with forcing everyone to commit incest? Does he just not think about these things til after? He could have at least put a different family in with them!
So then he says to Noah, “The rain was a fantastic idea of mine – you’ve never seen it before, but now it will rain more often to remind you of when I got really pissed off with my own creation and started slaughtering innocent people for no good reason. What’s more the rainbow that ensues will be a further reminder, and also a promise that I will never ever do anything like this again. It is a promise that I won’t murder you all by a massive flood of the entire earth ever again because I am pleased with myself and you all again”.
Basically, if rain ever stops diffracting light naturally, we can tell that god has lied. Not much of a statement.
So on top of all that nonsense, God also covered the entire planet in water. Water is pretty heavy at about 1 gram per cm cubed – and he’s quite insistent nothing should survive (assuming the fish are happy underwater etc) that means the level of water would also have to exceed the height of mount Everest. This means that the planet’s overall weight would increase so dramatically that its orbit would be completely swayed (watch this space, I’m going to do a brief calculation on a new post and see if the earth would even be able to remain in the solar system without burning in the sun or colliding with something else – or is that the point? The earth used to be half way across the universe and just ended up here? Hmmm)
So once again, god commits mass genocide, this time of all species known to the earth, kills innocent people (ie murder), ruins his whole creation because apparently after about 2 weeks of earth’s existence was too disappointing, then promises never to do it again. He also forces incest upon us again, including every living species to date, and generally is a nasty piece of work once again.
Among other things, just by the by, later god sees that the people are all together in one area on earth, and building a tower so they can survey the land. The also begin to come up with a language they can all understand and relate to so they can communicate (what have they been doing with god this whole time? He keeps speaking to them, and they use quote marks, and they answer back – did they just forget how to talk or what?) Anyway, they come up with a uniform language.
God sees the tower and hears the language and says (apparently to himself) “If they can do this, they can do anything they want...”. So he picks them all up and scatters them seemingly randomly about the earth, and says “now you’ll all develop different languages and not understand a thing each other is saying, and you’ll not know how to build these mighty technological towers...”
So he’s against us communicating, he doesn’t want us building, advancing, understanding, measuring, or enlightening. Seems his plan went a bit skewed there.
He really has this terrible fear of technology as it is – as mighty as god is, the idea of a tower was baffling, as was language. Later on during a battle, he decides to come down and help one side of the rivals (even though both prayed for help and he said he’d help them both, independently). So he joins with his favoured army and fights with them (why he can’t just pick them up, or scatter them around, or flood them, or disease them like he does with everyone else, I really don’t know). So they win one part of the battle, then the leader calls god to help him finish them off. God looks to the approaching enemy, and recoils and says “no, I cannot help you here, for the enemy doth have chariots of iron...”
Chariots?! God can’t handle Chariots?! That’s all it takes to scare him away?! Convenient this all happens just after people are forgetting about bronze and using iron. Don’t you think?
Jeebus knows what he’d think of a car, a tank, a nuclear bomb...
