When I was back home a few months ago, I met up with folk I hadn't seen in 13 years, which means I'd not seen them for two years even before I moved to Ireland.
I've been here nearly 11 years and in that time I've been home maybe 6 times. That's shocking. I remember going home about 3 years after I got here and walking into my local one guy remarked "Haven't seen you for a while", "Yeah I'm living in Ireland now", "Oh really, I thought you were just drinking elsewhere". I've some really great friends in Ireland and I'm constantly doing the "hey, let's go for a pint, I'll phone ye", I really should lift the phone more often, these are good people but I prefer my own company most of the time.
People do move on, their priorities change or like me they are more comfortable with solitude.
You get caught up in life stuff. You work 40+ hours a week, you come home, eat, relax and watch a bit of TV and go to bed. If you have kids, they need attention, baths, play time or whatever. Then on the weekends there is yard work and shopping and stuff. Trying to squeeze in friend time is really difficult, especially if the friends work and have children, too. I see other mommy friends with their kids every once in a while, but my husband has no social life whatsoever. He sees an out-of-state friend once a year, and he sees his brother and sister on holidays and kids' birthdays. That's it.
When I had a little get together for my birthday, some of those girls I hadn't seen in 10 years. One of them lives less than a mile from me, but she's a nurse who has a crazy schedule.
It is sad, but it gets that way. You really have to make an effort to actually schedule friend time. And it usually seems like you're stealing time away from the family or you are imposing on someone else's free time when you do get together.
FB has been nice to keep in touch with people, but it's not the same as seeing them in real life. And I will say that FB actually hurt one of my friendships. We live out of state and we used to send really long emails and tell each other everything. A status update doesn't do that. As a friend of mind said, "FB is a mile wide, but an inch deep."
I'm hopeless at keeping in touch, lost a lot of friends over the years. I gained two lost ones back a year or so ago, when an old school friend and I decided to get together and go to see an art exhibition + grab a coffee. That turned into a tradition when a third woman joined in (we were a threesome at school). Now we try to meet once a month, usually art + coffee, but sometimes visiting each other homes, too. As for the timing, all our children are now old enough to be left alone, so I guess that's significant. When the kids were small + work, there was no time for anything else.
I'm not a big fan of large family gatherings, so I'll try to avoid those.
I try not to feel too guilty about losing touch, it's the other party's problem, too.
I think it comes with the age/time in our lives. It seems like people grow apart because they're all at different stages in our lives. Well, that's how it is with me and my friends. We used to keep in better touch right after college, but then some of us got married, had kids, and others are still partying.
I will say though, that when we do get together, it's as if we were never apart. We pick up where we left off, which is nice.
I'd like to believe that as we get older, that we'll come back around. My boss for example is this 67 year old man. He still keeps in good touch with people he went to the first grade with! He did say though that it wasn't always that way. There was a time in the middle there where they were off in their own lives, having children, and doing their own thing. But, it wasn't until later on, when their kids had grown up that they decided to have a reunion. And every year, since, they've continued with that reunion, each year, adding more and more friends, and more dates on which to meet. That, to me is really cool. I do hope that I'm not in my 60's when I finally get together with my friends though!
I keep in touch with many friends from school and over time realized this is fairly unusual. I feel really lucky to have friends that have known me for so long (and vice versa). There is a shorthand that can't be replicated.
I don't see or connect with people as often as I would like to but, as Sandy said, when we do, it's as if no time has passed.
Family and friends are very important to me and yes, often the busyness of life gets int he way, I really do try.
I've lived in 4 cities in 3 countries in the part 6 years, I have to be good at it or I would go crazy! My best friends live in 3 different cities in Poland, London, Copenhagen and Lisbon. I talk (or text, chat, message, skype, whatever) with them very often, almost daily with some. If I'm proud of anything in my life, that's it. Come on, now with all the ways to communicate even if you're far away it's so easy! We rarely see each other in person but I don't feel that we grow apart, we're still huge parts in each other's lives. I have 3 very close friends who are already married, 1 is pregnant but it really didn't change a thing. I talk with the girl who's expecting almost every day, she's so freaked out about having the kid, bless her ;) Aww, I love her lil' one already.
Oh, and my bestest uni friend (who lives in Portugal) is coming to London in 3 weeks! Soooo happy!!
