SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward
ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house
training.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of
face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
A Scotsman, an Englishman, an Irishman, a Turk, a Latvian, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Chinese, a Mexican, an Argentinian, a Pakistani, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Cambodian, a Nigerian, a Fijian, a Swede, a Jamaican, a Serb, an Israeli, a Pole and a Mongolian walk into a pub.
The barman says "Sorry, cannae let ye in without a Thai"
A Scotsman, an Englishman, an Irishman, a Turk, a Latvian, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Chinese, a Mexican, an Argentinian, a Pakistani, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Cambodian, a Nigerian, a Fijian, a Swede, a Jamaican, a Serb, an Israeli, a Pole and a Mongolian walk into a pub.
The barman says "Sorry, cannae let ye in without a Thai"
Dubz
I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a Thai bird with lots of boob on show .I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection.Please don't get an erection"......But she did.
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."
