Subject: Grimsby fan bemoans potential life in the Blue Square
Poojah
April 17, 2010, 9:54pm Report to Moderator
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Now I’m as optimistic as anyone when it comes to this **** of a football club, but after this afternoon’s latest capitulation it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee – we’re ****ed. Down. Goners. Non-league. To be honest I didn’t know how it would affect me, it’s not like it hasn’t been coming, but tonight I just feel absolutely deflated. Absolutely ****ing devastated.
I can’t get away from these emotions, I just want the whole world to just **** off and leave me alone. To help me come to terms with this whole mess, I’ve decided to compile a list of everyone and everything I want to **** off most of all.
For starters, work can **** off. If they think I’m going to be there on Monday morning they’ve got another thing coming. No way am I going in to spend time dealing with ****s that I can barely stand being with when I’m in a good mood, let alone this crushing feeling of anger, frustration and outright metaphorical-kicked-in-the-bollocks-ness.
Plastic Premier League fans can **** off. I just spoke to my Manchester United supporting neighbour (who incidentally, has been to Old Trafford before – twice) about Town’s predicament. You know what he said? “I know how you feel; it’s like when we failed to win a trophy in ‘95”. NO IT ****ING WELL IS NOT!
He no longer has a face.
The girlfriend can definitely **** off. Her best attempt at consolation – “I don’t know why you’re bothered; you knew they were shit anyway”. Yes love, but they’re MY shit team. They’ve been MINE for pretty much as long as I’ve been able to wipe my own arse, and they’ll be MINE for as long as I’m alive (or at least, until I’m no longer able to wipe my own arse). Truth is, watching my team win does things for me that no woman can. If push comes to shove and I’m horny, I can always have a wank.
Barrow can **** off. I’ve been all over the country and beyond to watch my team, but frankly I just don’t have the stomach to visit any town which makes Scunthorpe look like ****ing St. Tropez.
Dad, you can **** off. This is your fault. Your idea. You introduced me to this shower of shit. “Come with me to Blundell Park”, you said, “Come and support the boys”. What could I do? I was ****ing four, what choice did I have? Why not get me hooked on Heroin whilst you were at it? I could have gone with mum shopping for bras and knickers at British Home Stores, but no, you knew best.
Granted, I’d have probably grown up a homosexual but surely even being simultaneously buggered two guys named Seth and Quentin couldn’t hurt like this.
Seeing as we’re on the subject of homosexuality, Gok Wan can **** off. No particular reason, I just plain don’t like the annoying, goggle-eyed ****.
The F.A. can **** off. Not for supplying us, week-in, week- out, with inept referee after inept referee, but for imposing sensible financial rules on all clubs in League Two. How many clubs in this division have been into administration this season? Not one. How many points deducted? Not one. How the **** else are we supposed to avoid relegation – footballing merit? We didn’t have to last season, so why spoil the fun now?
The World Cup can **** off – I don’t care anymore.
My local pizza shop can **** off. I ordered a 12” Pepperoni over an hour ago, and where the **** is it? Are they trying to ****ing fly it to me or something?
Sky Sports can **** off. Nothing personal, but there’ll be little need for me next season with no Town to be found anywhere. Ooh, Bolton versus Wolves, LIVE. I think I’ll pass...
The radio can **** off. On my way home from the match, whilst driving down the M180, I caught three completely separate stations playing ‘Down’ by Jay Sean at the exact same ****ing time. The song’s the best part of a year old, how the **** does that happen by coincidence!?
My nan’s old lucky Buddha that used to sit in her front room can **** off. When I was a kid I held it in my hands and wished for Town to be in the Premier League. I meant the proper one you fat ****, not the one occupied by Histon, Eastbourne and for ****’s sake, Ebbsfleet, wherever that is.
Tonight can **** off. I’ve had enough of trying to cope with my emotions; the time has come for oblivion. I haven’t kept any booze in the house since an occasion known only as ‘That Night’ by myself and the missus, but suffice to say that the toilet duck and luminous blue mouthwash are looking like stronger propositions by the minute.
Most of all though, the last 10 years can **** off. In that time I’ve watched my team fall from the top of the Championship into non-league nothingness. We’ve gone from one great big **** up to the next without even coming up for air, and today is just the big, **** off cherry on top.
One thing I’m sure of though is that we WILL be back. When it comes down to it, a football club is basically just a set of supporters, and frankly what I’ve learned in the last few years is that this one has some of the best. We’ve had to put up with some shit, haven’t we boys, but in spite of all of that the future is still bright – it’s ****ing black and white.
Grimsby ‘til I die...
It sums up what it's like supporting local clubs perfectly
Sounds familiar, I know some small/local team supporters, and it obviously can really hurt. I respect them more than those plastic Scousers you see walking in the streets of Helsinki.
My son's friends change favourite teams every season, depending on how they're doing, and that seem to apply even to the domestic teams, incl. ice hockey.
Pretty much how I felt last Saturday, and still do. Very pissed off and angry. I don't know if I should sit in a corner and cry, smack someone or something, or just scream at the top of my head.
Here's another that he wrote - also sums up how incompetent the club have been this season...
Poojah
November 7, 2009, 10:10pm Report to Moderator
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Posts: 200
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Dear Players of Grimsby Town FC
I am writing with regard to my absolute astonishment and disbelief as to the sheer magnitude of your complete lack of talent and failure to carry out the job for which you are paid to do. I am not aware of any swear word or other derogatory phrase in my current vocabulary which comes close to a description of your ‘performance’ (and I use that term loosely) this afternoon, but let me just say that you have collectively reached a level of inadequacy and ineptitude that neither I nor modern science had previously considered possible.
In fact I recall a time, in my youth, when I decided to call in sick at work and instead spent the entire day in my one bedroom flat wearing nothing but my underpants, eating toast and wánking furiously over second-rate Scandinavian porn. Yet somehow, I still managed to contribute more to my employer in that one Andrex-filled day than you complete bunch of toss-baskets have contributed to this club in your entire time here.
I would genuinely like to know how you pathetic little píssflaps sleep at night, knowing full well that you have taken my money and that of several thousand others and delivered precisely fúck all in return. I run a business myself, and I believe I could take any 4,000 of my customers at random; burn down their houses, impregnate their wives and then dismember their children before systematically sending them back in the post, limb-by-limb, and still ensure a level of customer satisfaction which exceeds that which I have experienced at Blundell Park at any time so far this season.
You are a total disgrace, not only to your profession, not only to the human race, but to nature itself. This may sound like an exaggeration, but believe me when I say that I have passed kidney stones which have brought me a greater level of pleasure and entertainment than watching each of you worthless excuses for professional footballers attempt to play a game you are clearly incapable of playing, week-in, week-out.
I considered, for a second, that I was perhaps being a little too harsh. But then I recalled that I have blindly given you all the benefit of the doubt for too long now. Yes, for too long you have failed to earn the air you’ve been breathing by offering any kind of tangible quality either as footballers or as people in general. As such, I feel it’s only fair that your supply runs out forthwith.
I trust, at this precise moment in time, that Mr Fenty is in his office tapping away on the Easyjet web site booking you all one-way flights to Zurich, complete with an overnight stay with our cheese eating friends at Dignitas. Don’t bother packing your toothbrush – you won’t need it.
In the event that our beloved chairman can’t afford the expense (understandable given that he’s soon going to have to assemble a new squad from scratch), then I am prepared to sell my family (including my unborn child) to a dubious consortium of Middle Eastern businessmen in order to pay for the flights. Christ, I’ll drive you there myself, one-by one, without sleep, if I have to.
Failing that, understanding that most dubious Middle Eastern businessmen are tied-up purchasing Premier League football clubs, I ask you to please take matters into your hands. Use your imagination, guys – strangle yourselves or cover yourself in tinfoil and take a fork to a nearby plug socket, or something. Just put yourselves and us fans out of our collective misery.
So, in summary, you pack of repugnant, sputum-filled, invertebrate bástards; leave this club now and don’t you fúcking dare look back. You’ve consistently demonstrated less passion and desire than can commonly be found within the contents of a sloth’s scrótum, so frankly you can just all fúck off – don’t pass go, don’t collect your wages, don’t ever come back to this town again.
I look forward to you serving me at my local McDonald’s drive-thru in the near future.
I might get there first. Squeaky Bum time for us. Killie today a real important match, we've done them a few times this season but Calderwood has a habit of pulling out results when it really matters, also that big bastard Kevin Kyle is back.
As for your own plight for what it's worth I wouldn't like to see you guys go down, Aberdeen was always a great away day, good craic and friendly banter with dons fans, also a respectful bunch at Love St. (Unlike Glasgow's Ugly Sisters).
I hate Mutley McGhee and would absolutely love to see him slapped down but not at the expense of The Dons. Ktf Bud !!
Dubz
btw Nes you were first person I thought of when I saw this best of luck returning soon
