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Talking in public
I Came in Through the Bathroom Window
Posts: 7556
I Came in Through the Bathroom Window Posted Fri 12 Jun, 2009 4:46 PM Quote
I cannot talk in public.
I made a complete idiot out of myself last wednesday in my Sociology of the Middle East class. We were doing a group task, and then each group had to debate their views on the matter with the rest of the class. It wasn't hard, it was interesting, there weren't many people in the classroom and it was a laid back situation.

It was my turn to speak and I wasn't able to say one proper sentence, even though I tried. I was so nervous that my vision was clouded and I started to stammer really badly. After what felt like ages but must have been less than two minutes, I stopped mumbling and said "I can't talk".
The professor kindly said "but you're doing fine" (I knew he was lying, and this was confirmed to me later by my sister, who said that she couldn't understand a thing of what I was trying to say). So I tried once again to say something that might make any sense at all, failed at it and then shut up for good.

I felt so humiliated. My whole class must think I'm an idiot. Once the class was over, I approached the professor to ask him if we could keep the texts we had been working on, and I swear there was pity in his eyes when he looked at me.

It was awful. I'm so pathetic. I wish I could erase that moment. I'm so pathetic.

The only good thing is that Ale is in that class with me, so when he reads my second exam he won't know if I'm the stupid one or not. One of the good things of having a twin.

:o( !!!


Has anyone experienced anything like this or am I the only one?

 
Re: Talking in public
Turtleneck
Posts: 7404
Turtleneck Posted Fri 12 Jun, 2009 5:23 PM Quote
You are far from being the only one, Juli. In fact, I believe fear of public speaking is one of the most common fears.

When I was in school, I was so shy. I had to do an oral book report in 7th grade. It was literally like an out-of-body experience for me. My knees were shaking. It was like I was going to faint and I could see myself from above. Really weird!!

It was like that until college. It was so hard for me to talk in class at all. I never raised my hand to answer or ask a question. I just couldn't!

It slowly got better when I took a poetry class. We had to write poems and we all had to read them out loud to the class. EEEEEEE! I was so scared the first time, 'cause that's like bearing your soul in front of everyone! As it turned out, people liked my poems. There was also a certain boy in the class, he was the best writer I have ever personally known (and he was sooooo cute!), HE liked my poems. So, it was a great encouragement. I felt more confident each time. I got so much positive feedback, especially from...ahhhhh, that boy, that it got to be quite tolerable to speak to the class. I never actually ENJOYED it, but it got to the point where I stayed inside my body when I spoke!

Job interviews--forget it. I can't do them. If getting a job is based on a written test, I got the job. If it requires an interview, I never get the job. I don't think that will ever improve. Also, making appointments over the phone is hard for me.

However, you will get less shy as you get older. Trust me. Once you've had a baby and every doctor and nurse in the world has seen your hoo-ha, talking in front of a group is not that embarrassing by comparison.

Hey, wow, look at me now, I have even sung in front of a paying audience and lived to tell the tale! There is hope for you!
 
Re: Talking in public
alanistradi
Posts: 1181
alanistradi Posted Fri 12 Jun, 2009 5:36 PM Quote
Yeah, awful, I know.
I completely understand what you mean.

A month ago I had to talk about History of writing, I wasn't nervous at all but when finally was my turn to speak, my speech was so confusing. I knew I was doing it wrong so my face turned red... was a terrible experience, so embarrassing :(

Now, Juli, I'm sure your classmates don't think you're an idiot or something, only you got nervous this time but things like that always happen, don't worry *hug*

Turtleneck wrote:

Trust me. Once you've had a baby and every doctor and nurse in the world has seen your hoo-ha, talking in front of a group is not that embarrassing by comparison.


LOL
 
Re: Talking in public
fenchurch
Posts: 959
fenchurch Posted Fri 12 Jun, 2009 5:38 PM Quote
Oh yeah, I've had experiences like that, and not just with speaking in front of loads of people. I usen't to be able to actually buy things in shops for years cos I'd just find it uncomfortable. And I get buses as little as I have to cos I never know what to say to the driver!

But I am getting better. I'd though I'd make a complete idiot of myself when I had my first german oral exam a couple of months ago, but it wasn't that bad.
 
Re: Talking in public
Monica
Posts: 3592
Monica Posted Fri 12 Jun, 2009 6:45 PM Quote
Hey Juli, of course you're not the only one ;) I remember one of my classmates being extremely nervous. I thought she was going to have a heart attack. Really. Her hands were shaking! Poor girl.
I don't like to speak in front of people but when I have to, I try to do my best and tell jokes and stuff. Apparently my classmates love my oral presentations (last semester one of my teachers said in the middle of my presentation: oh, look at her, she's a show-woman! Haha. I don't think so, but... My advice is to try to speak as if you were talking to friends. Don't think of it as if it were an exam or something that will be graded ;)
 
Re: Talking in public
megg_inc
Posts: 3778
megg_inc Posted Fri 12 Jun, 2009 7:17 PM Quote
First of all, YOU. ARE. NOT. PATHETIC. AT ALL.

I always have problems with talking in public when I'm around new people- during first years of the middle school, high school, college. Then the fear just disappears. I'm still far from loving it but when I have to I just do it.

I have more problems with phone calls. Oral exam? No problem. Job interview? Stressed but I will do it. Making a call to arrange the interview? Oh my god, no. Talk about being pathetic.
 
Re: Talking in public
Rammsfer
Posts: 3572
Rammsfer Posted Fri 12 Jun, 2009 7:27 PM Quote
C'mon Juli! You're not pathetic. It happens to many people!

We're not perfect, we all make mistakes, we all have fears. We're humans.

Cheer up! :D
 
Re: Talking in public
Ana_Smith
Posts: 647
Ana_Smith Posted Fri 12 Jun, 2009 8:03 PM Quote
Juli, please don't feel pathetic or else I'll have to join the club!! Fear of speaking in front of people has always been a problem that's followed me since kindergarten... Actually many of the previous posts have encouraged me not to feel so bad about it :)

I'm a really shy person but I've been working hard over my academic years to get over it, it gets easier but I certainly don't enjoy it and I don't think I'll ever will.

If I have to stand before the class I feel nervous, I get sweaty palms and my cheeks turn red... the more I think about it and try to control myself, the worst it seems to be... Once the presentation begins and after a couple of minutes talking I forget everyone else is staring at me and imagine it's just me and the teachers... They will realise if it's just nerves or if you haven't studied, they can tell the difference.
I hate it when I have a whole speech prepared, know it back and forth yet suddenly my mind goes blank... It's a horrible feeling, but usually a key word pops up and that allows me to carry on... there's always something like that happening... public speaking never comes out the way I want it and there's always room for improvement.
Practice and experience will show you the way.

On the other hand, I'm a completely different student on paper, many teachers in highschool didn't know me or what my voice sounded like until I took them by surprise when they graded my essays.

This is what I mean, not everybody is made for public speaking, don't beat yourself up over it, with time you'll get better.
 
Re: Talking in public
Hanne
Posts: 2782
Hanne Posted Fri 12 Jun, 2009 9:10 PM Quote
Oh Juli, I really know how that feels, been there myself. Don't worry, you'll get over it although it feels terrible right now. It's a bit like a heartache; it's really difficult to live with in the beginning but it gets easier as time goes by.

Anyhow, the turning point for me was one quite good piece of advice. I've never liked speaking in front of an audience but today I can usually manage it. This guy gave me the simple advice to see myself with the eyes of my audience, and not my own eyes. If you're in the audience, you accept many things that a speaker does; false starts (ie starting a sentence several times before completing it), rustling paper, forgetting some things, a little stutter etc. However, if you're the speaker, you tend to be unforgiving; you think that the audience notices every little thing you do and say. Try and see yourself the way you would do if you were in the audience. They don't notice all mistakes so don't pay any attention to them. Just continue, and everything falls into place.

Hope this makes sense. It has certainly helped me :)
 
Re: Talking in public
Luana
Posts: 16
Luana Posted Sat 13 Jun, 2009 12:44 AM Quote
Oh God, I've been through this a lot.

I get really nervous when I'm talking in public.And then I just start to talk too much. I speak English in my Italian class and I speak Italian in my English class.
I tell jokes, start to laugh and when I look at my classmates they are just looking at me without laughing...blah, they don't get my jokes =/


But I realized something : The hardest part for me is not the talking part but I start to get more and more nervous while I'm waiting to talk. So when I have a presentation I
always choose to be the first one to talk because if I keep waiting I just get more nervous and say a lot of bullshit hahuhauha.

Hope that helps!
 
Re: Talking in public
hennypenny
Posts: 2092
hennypenny Posted Sat 13 Jun, 2009 3:25 AM Quote
Juli, you are not pathetic. I HATED to give presentations in front of the class. My biggest problem was that I blush very easily so my face would turn bright red. I would get so embarrased. Hopefully you will get more comfortable with it.
 
Re: Talking in public
bogusblue
Posts: 3965
bogusblue Posted Sat 13 Jun, 2009 5:38 AM Quote
Oh Ju, don't feel bad about it! Of course you're not pathetic! I think everyone (at least once in their lifetime) has been there. As for me I'm always there xD. I blush very easy so I turn into a tomato every time I talk in front of anyone, even if there's only one person. My hands and face numb, I stutter, I forget everything I wanted to say or I say it in a way in which is all misunderstood xD. And it happens the same when I have to do a phone call, or I have to ask for information at any place, or when I have to ask the price of something I want to buy... I am pathetic, you are not!
I'm always trying to fight this fear, but I just can't :o(. I hopelessly blush again as if my head was about to burst xD.
 
Re: Talking in public
the boy with a cryptic name
Posts: 2310
the boy with a cryptic name Posted Sun 14 Jun, 2009 3:15 PM Quote
I'm absolutely the same. If I have to do anything in front of the class then my legs start shaking. Not fun. Even though I'm not nervous beforehand and feel reasonably confident I'll be quaking within a minute or two. Thankfully it doesn't happen that often.

I don't really have any advice except to remember that most of the people you're speaking to would hate to be in your position doing the presentation :) Either that or pretend you're Liam Gallagher or someone of similarly astronomical cockiness levels and shove it in their faces. If you can speak on the phone then you're braver than a few of us anyway!
 
Re: Talking in public
Nacho
Posts: 1008
Nacho Posted Mon 15 Jun, 2009 3:33 AM Quote
hennypenny wrote:
Juli, you are not pathetic. I HATED to give presentations in front of the class. My biggest problem was that I blush very easily so my face would turn bright red. I would get so embarrased. Hopefully you will get more comfortable with it.


hennypenny said exactly what i was going to say :P

i have a group presentation in august and, if i think about it now, i get nervous haha so what i mean is..i totally understand how you felt, well..not really, cause you actually talked in public, i just stay quiet ¬¬
don't say you're pathetic and stupid...speaking in public is not easy!
 
Re: Talking in public
I Came in Through the Bathroom Window
Posts: 7556
I Came in Through the Bathroom Window Posted Mon 15 Jun, 2009 3:15 PM Quote
Aww, thank you all! You're so great, I do feel a bit better now :o)

Thanks for the advices, I'll try to think about all these in my next oral exam (which will take place in two weeks). Really, thanks a lot! I hope they work :o).

I'm kind of like Almond. I hate speaking on the phone to people I don't know, but I'll do it if I have to. Asking for information at some place, I hate it even more, but if it's absolutely indispensable and there's nobody else who can do it for me, I'll do it too xD.

I just thought that since I'm in my 6th year of uni, about to get my degree, public speaking shouldn't be so terrible for me. But maybe I'll do it better next time :o).

Nacho, august is far away, you have time to prepare yourself for it. You'll be fine. Go Nacho! :oP

Turtleneck wrote:


Hey, wow, look at me now, I have even sung in front of a paying audience and lived to tell the tale! There is hope for you!


That's what I was thinking about when the class was over: if I'm not able to speak in front of a class, will I ever be able to sing in front of an audience?
I'm more optimistic now, I think I just need all the confidence I can get xD.

Once again, thank you!!!!
 
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